Su... I had my first drink last night. And for being such a lightweight of 94 pounds, I'm proud that I finished the whole thing! It was the first drink that I actually liked; didn't quite taste like alcohol. I really didn't plan on even finishing half, but... Heh. Kiiiinda... Finished it all.

Though the most I got was slightly dizzy, happy, and very chummy and tired when we got back to the apartment. A and Ike went to bed, but I spent some time with my mate (Actually, ended up not going to bed until 5am)

All in all... A very good night. I am satisfied.

I don't care how much you're getting... I don't care how happy you are... The point is, and it's been proven oh so many times, you don't love each other. Having sex every weekend when I'm gone is sick; for two that don't love one another...

If there is some sort of affection for one another, hidden somewhere there, it's too late for me to see it. I don't like seeing you together. I don't like seeing you smile. You're giddy, aloof attitudes are turning me entirely off; and you scold me and wonder why I don't smile too... Well let me tell you've something. It took five years for your case to close... It took twenty for me to be brainwashed. I remember thinking, back when I was of a very early age, "This is wrong, the way you talk about each other. I won't hear of it from either of you, and I won't let you brainwash me against the other." Well, somewhere along the line, I clearly failed. I grew weak, and succumbed to your ridiculous wound seepage. I am cold, I don't feel for certain things, and your relationship certainly is one of them. I don't care where you go, I don't care where I end up... Lords know I won't find peace until I'm well over thirty, if I manage to make it that far. All I know is, I want you gone, I want you out of my life, and I want to live alone for a good long while so that I can replenish what I had so long ago. With no money and no license, no, confidence for that matter, it's a difficult feat to accomplish. My mind has been warped and twisted by both extremes of human nature, what I've witnessed and what I've felt. The only true happiness I feel anymore is that which is unreal; that which I experience in dreams. Why, if only I could never wake up... To belong to a world where reality couldn't sink its' grungy teeth into you.

I don't know what this is, coursing through my veins, but I don't like it... It makes me not care. I can say the coldest things to my mother, think about my own father in the worst of ways, and not feel a twinge of remorse. Perhaps later I will and do, but somehow, I convince myself that those feelings are justified.
Five years ago I laughed and learned, I began to accept growing. Somehow inside though, I was crying for everything I knew I'd lose; why? It's so stupid. Everything changes, and everyone knows it, but it's as if I knew how things would change.
Perhaps why my reactions to them are so...unfeeling.

We may be moving, come early spring. Maybe sooner or later. You say you want a smaller house with larger land... You say we don't deserve a big house, because this one was never taken care of...

I'll settle for a small apartment, with mom. Right now I don't care about land... I just care about space. I want a room of my own again, so I can try and go back to what I used to be, rather than this cynical sardonic stiff.

As the title states, only an update... It's freakin' freezing in my room and there's absolutely no way to warm up. Tomorrow I actually have to go into my school (taking online courses, so nice) and talk with an Advisor, to find out which courses to sign up for next semester. I'm hoping I can continue to do as good as I have been; I've gotten 94 and higher on every essay I've done so far, between two English classes!

That makes me, a happy sponge.

So... I'm going in for a Sigmoidoscopy this upcoming Tuesday... As expected, I'm none too excited for it, lol. They're calling it a Sigmoidoscopy at the moment, because they don't plan on going in too far. However, I've been told that, should he feel the need to, the doctor will go further...

Good news is I'll be sedated, of course. Bad news is I just hope the shit works >>;
In a way though, I'm eager for this to be done and over with simply because, I want to eat and be able to actually keep my food in me. For three years now my stomach attacks have grown worse, keeping me at the embarrassing weight of 94 pounds and no higher. The pain's gotten bad enough to make my eyes water. So... Hopefully they find something, and hopefully it's taken care of then and there.

Are you 100% over the last person you kissed?
Umm… I’ve not yet kissed, lol. So in truth, m’dear, there is honestly no answer to this question.

If the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say?
….Who are you?

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Yiss! Be campin’ with my friend this weekend ^^

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Um.. I think so. I can kinda feel it.
And.. Yus! I was right. He just wrote to me xD;

Lose any friends lately?
…Nah. If I ‘lose’ someone, then they weren’t exactly that much of a friend to begin with. ‘Cause I’m pretty damn lenient xP

What's something you really want right now?
Oh, many things. But lucky for me, I lack very much Materialism.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
The same man of whom I love today~<3

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Richard.

Do you currently like anyone?
I’d say it’s more than like… Definitely.

Were you single on your last birthday?
Nope.

Dare you to tell why you kissed the last person you kissed?
…I was dreaming?

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?
Of course.

Is anything bothering you?
Aha. Many things. But stuff none of you really need to know that much about.

Is anyone else in the room with you?
>>
Let’s hope not…

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone?
Oh, I haven’t spoken on a telephone in so long…

How religious are you?
Fuck that.
I’ll find my own Faith; and not through the misguided tales of people probably on some sort of drug.

How do you feel right now?
Calm, and peaceful.

Does anyone call you babe?
Very rarely… Which is good. I hate that term.

Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
I guess.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
The hell is with all these kissing questions?

Are you jealous of someone right now?
Nope. I couldn’t ask for more than what I have right now; other than a few helpful necessities.

If someone kissed your ex boyfriend/girlfriend,would you be mad?
No… They’d be an ex for a reason, wouldn’t they?

Have you found someone you really like?
Oh yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
You mean my first? Let’s hope not…

How's your ex doing? Do you care?
I don’t really have an ex.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
Oh, I’m all of those constantly. No wonder I have physical health issues.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Lots of people give me butterflies… A few even give me eagles.

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?
Oh, of course.

Your boyfriend/ girlfriend isn't around, their phone is just laying there, do you look through it?
Um, no..?

Is anyone in your top a virgin?
…Yes ^_^

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I have many.

Have you kissed the last person you messaged?
Someday…

How many pillows do you sleep with?
…Three